Valentine’s Day was quiet.
This was a first considering the hustle and bustle of my high school Valentine’s days. From receiving chocolates to cards to flowers, it was quite commonplace in high school for the day to be filled with hearts. I wasn’t expecting much when I entered my college campus that day. And truly there wasn’t much. In fact, I didn’t wish a single person I saw in my classes…but that is understandable; I like them. I don’t love them.
My classes ended at 7:40pm. My usual bus left without me at 7:53pm. I didn’t feel like hurrying home that day. I sat in that bus, thinking about us. From the beginning to the end, leaving out no detail. I didn’t miss him. I missed what we had. The distance had never mattered when I knew that he loved me. My bus pulled to my stop and I got off. As I walked the steep, concrete stairs of my home, my melancholy slipped off my shoulders. By the time I stepped into my home, I knew I would be okay.
I wished my mom. Then I wished Atta & Tee. I even made a styrofoam heart of red, pink, and white dedicated to the three of them. It was tentative in the beginning, but I love them. And they love me.
For some reason I thought that I had to immediately get him out of my mind. I think I felt that still being in love with him or even liking him was a crime against myself.
I’m kind of laughing at myself (in a good way lol) because I finally don’t feel the need to cut myself completely from him. Because in the end, he was there for me when I needed a friend the most. He was there when I went through that summer. He might have given me a lot of heartache and a lot of tears. But. No. It definitely doesn’t top the happiness he gave me. The confidence I felt as a woman because of him.
Later, when I think about getting into a relationship I might be trying to find a guy like him. It’s unintentional becuase I know I don’t want to be hurt again like this. But you know what? It’s okay. :) I won’t be the same heh. So, I have confidence that I can find a man like him (perhaps better) and get him to love me….much much more than anyone ever will.